Will this make a difference to you? I don't know. The best I hope for is that it will remove the false intellectual hurdles to being able to believe in God, or at least make it clear that most Christians retain, or find, their religion after careful thought and consideration.
Of course, all Christians have doubts, even the Pope. Any Christian who has never doubted, would be more faithful than Jesus' own apostles. My understanding of the story of Jesus in the desert is that even Jesus doubted.
I always imagined Jesus knew exactly who he was and exactly what would happen to him, with the detail of someone able to playback a video recording of their future life. However, in Luke 22, it seems that Jesus knows what's going to happen to him because of what's written about the Christ in scriptures, by previous prophets. When Jesus tells his disciples to buy swords (and then says, yes two is enough), he does so because scripture says he will be counted among the lawless. When Jesus realises that his disciples will not forcibly be taken away, he tells them not to fight.
At Jesus' baptism in the river Jordan, the Spirit is seen to come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him
, and as it did so a voice came from heaven, 'You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.'
Immediately afterwards, Jesus heads into the desert and fasts for forty days - fasting traditionally accompanied a great spiritual struggle, or discernment. During Jesus' fasting in the desert, Satan takes Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple of Jerusalem, saying to him, If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you, to protect you,' and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.'
, to which Jesus replies, It is said, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'
Did Satan appear in bodily form to Jesus, or put doubting thoughts into Jesus' mind? I'm not sure whether this is theologically sound, but it seems to me reminiscent of the internal counter arguments we all have when faced with decisions - but in this case, the human Jesus was grappling with his own divinity.
Whether I'm right or wrong about that passage in the bible, I do know that if you do not have doubt, there is no questioning and so there can be no deeper understanding. For all but the most superficial of believers - atheist or theist - we must question our understanding and seek answers.
Whatever you decide, it is certainly worth asking the questions with sincerity and an open mind. Considering even the slightest possibility of an eternal life after death, it's worth a bit of curiosity and investigation, while you've still got the chance.
If curiosity will take you further, I would recommend reading at least one of the Gospels. They are not long, as they were designed to get the message of Jesus out to different groups of people.
If you are keen to understand the reliability of the Gospels, I recommend "The New Testament Documents: Are They Reliable?", by F. F. Bruce. He is an expert in his field, and his book is short, easy to understand and informative.
For a more philosophical point of view, I really recommend C.S. Lewis' book, Miracles. As you would expect from such an author, it is not only easy to read, but a pleasure.
Individual learning can only take you so far. At some point, discussion is required to further understanding. Wherever you are in your understanding, the Alpha course is a great way to find out more, and discuss your doubts.
Whatever you decide to do next, God bless 